For my frenz...

this poem is for a fren of my... 

this is for you tela.... 

the poem you wanted...

CRAZY FEELING

Heart fluttering.

thiz love-hate feeling,

making me crazy over you, 

what this tingling feeling?

what's this sensation?

what's this feeling?

why I feel so burden by it,

why I feel so confused,

this make my mind swirl....

sometimes i wonder,

am I in love or..

am I just attracted?

I could not differ this feeling...

I tried to denied,

for I think its a foolish things,

but day by day,

night by night,

this heart aching for more...

Damn!

What wrong with me?

Why would this feeling go away?

I keeping my eyes to you...

and wondering as time goes by,

what are you to me?

Lover or crush?

Kekosongan...

Kekosongan sanubari..

merantai badan dan minda...

kebencian, kesedihan, kesunyian..

menyelaputi diri bak parasit...

merantai minda yang sudah diracuni...

puas ditepis kesedihan ini,

puas dibuang kesunyian ini,

namun...

semuanya sia-sia,

perasaan itu semakin melingkari,

menyesakkan jiwa,

tidak dapat bernafas...

Perasaan menyepi...

semakin menhilang...

jiwa semakin kosong..

emosi hilang bagaikan kabus..

hari ke hari, masa berlalu...

bayangan semakin menhilang,

ku rasakan hidupku..

seperti mayat hidup...

The rhythm of surrender by Dawud wharnsby Ali

Can you hear the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
The rhythm of the clapping of the thunder and the rain.
Can you see the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
The lightning and the leaves, and the seasons as they change.

Watch the children in the field, spinning round and round.
Watch their silly, dizzy falls upon the ground.
They grip on to long grass afraid of spinning with the sun.
Reality deceives them neath the smiling mask of fun.

Can you see the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
The rhythm of the children aging brown hair into gray.
Can you see the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
Alternation of the moon and the stars passing into day.

Watch the grown-ups all twirling with the clock throughout the day.
Watch them spinning with the hours while the clock hands tick away.
They talk and grip the world as they would catch a falling knife.
Reality deceives them neath the musing games of life.

Can you hear the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
The storm against the sand, and the pulsating waves.
Can you see the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
The rhythm of the children running wind upon the graves.

The rhythm of our world beats in surrender to Allah.
Our blood and our breathing testify.
The rhythm if surrender is a part of who we are.
With each heartbeat and involuntary blink of our eyes.
A part of us we cant deny.

Can you hear the rhythm of Allah’s creation?
The storm against the sand, and the pulsating waves.
Can you see the rhythm of Allah’s creation?

The rhythm of the children running wind upon the graves.

Love this song...

one of the best song of nasheed i ever heard...

Thiz Feeling....

I'm feeling lonely,

lost in the darkness

engulf in emptiness...

I'm feeling empty,

something is missing,

making an aching hole

in that small dark red heart..

I'm trying to understand...

I'm trying to find...

that emptiness feeling...

still linger like parasite sucking my life..

Still looking...

what's missing...

but still... in vain

This feeling..

eating me...

I bleed from inside out...

Aching...

Painful...

killing me softly...

digging me to death...

Help me!

please...

understand me!

someone...

Help me kill this feeling..

for all i want...

is just happiness...

Kenapa????

Manusia ada macam2 perangai.... tapi ada yang agak memelikkan sebilangan orang... kita tak buat salah... x buat apa2 pun yang menyakitkan hati dia.. tapi... kenapa dia benci sangat-sangat dengan kita???? kenapa sampai menyampah tgk muka kita? tak faham la org macam nie.. nak tak nak, kutuk and hina depan kita macam kita tak wujud

last-last takut jugak bila org dah marah betul2... apa nak jadi dengan orang macam nie?

tODay....

Hr nie mcm selalu jer rasanya, sama mcm semalam, walaupun semalam genap dah berumur 20 thun... entah, x ada perasaan sgt sebenarnya,, tp hr nie, lain sikit, bb hari nie bday ayah ku... so ayah dah genap umur 48 plak.. yay... x byk nak ckp, cuma rasa boring bb x dapat nak bt apa2... sbb apa? hari nie x tahu nak bt apa... hari nie gak last kena kuarantin.. heheheh... x ikut sgt peraturan pun.. knp la hidup yg aku rasa sgt x memberansangkan aku.... aku terlebih minta ker? aku just nak rasa hidup yg agak luar biasa tp aku rasa perkara tu agak di luar alam.. hehehhe.... apa yg diimpi hanya tinggal impian..

Tired... Of This Life

I just don't understand certain people... they say they care about us, but at the same we didn't feel that way... why would i say that? Coz their eyes lying and faking everything they say...
i'm getting sick with this kind of people...
getting tired with this life, with people that i know are faking...
seeing their face everyday, make me wonder how come i didn't just slap or hit them...
maybe because i din't have that feeling to hit their sneering faces....

what do i think about darkness in heart...

somehow, people keep saying about how dark the heart of people till they all lost their humanity and becoming rampage…. well, what i think is, not all will lost their humanity…

All people have their own dark side… but then the heart will get darker if they make it themselves. why? well, it because of the feeling of loneliness or any negative feeling that they keep for themselves make all of them seal their heart away from people and the feeling of lolines and hopeless feel their mind and heart until it make them feel useless…

i wonder how people manage to survive with that kind of heart?

will they be happy?

will they feel comfortable with all the feeling that was so dark??

well, what can we do about it…. somebody did have this kind of problem... and only them can try to fix it... maybe...

i also have this kind of problem..

decision……

Why is it that when we have to believe? It was so easy like a,b,c… but then when that believe have been destroyed right infront of us? It makes us so hard to mend it back together till the other's believes that we put on also started to fell apart? Sometimes i wonder, are life always this harsh? Is there any happy feelings that will come on everything that was so hurting? God, i hope not…

why would it took just a matter of seconds to destroy a friendship that we build so long out of believes? no one knows and no ones can give the answer... its really hurt to have this and it really effects sometimes, but then like we always said, life must go on...

k, first of all... buku ini mmg bez (tak tahu la kalo ada orang tak suka, apa boleh buat, org minat lain-lain, x leh nak paksa) 

masa tgh bt post nie, x habis baca lg, malah br beli tghari tadi, tp smpai sekarang tak habis baca, bab apa?

bab tgh menghayati, x maksud, aisya sofea tak bez, norhayati ibrahim tak bez, 

tp ada gaya tersendiri yg buat kita love the book...

aku minat gak mikhail ramlee awang murshid 

(mmg bertuah nasib engko la kawan aku yg bg aku minat citer nie) 

bab misteri dan thriller nya,

aku mnat aisya dan norhayati bila nak part jiwang sikit,

dan aku minat hlovate 

(setiap koleksinya, except shubert bb x suka ending kot) 

bb santai dan cara dia menulis blh buat kita gelak sampai terguling-guling 

(even rumate aku seram dibuat oleh perangai aku) 

dan menangis bila part nak menangis betul-betul... 

(lg rumate aku takut tgk, sorry rumate, aku mmg cam nie, tahan la perangai aku yerk! hehehe)

so, apa aku nak bgtahu?

rooftop rant? yg terbaru nie? hmm...

well, citer dia bez, kalo kita ada family yg sedang bt tekanan jiwa, ok...

bt kita kenang blik zaman masalah tu yg kaitan dengan depression, ok.. blh baca..

yg minat baca style penulis yg santai, tibai suka hati rojakkan bahasa, ok, pass blh gak... aku lg suka dari ayat yg formal bangat.. heheheh

citer pasal persahabatan? blh ada gak...

pernah fikir pasal bila kita rasa org tak ambil berat pasal kita?

pernah rasa kita mcm dilayan berat sebelah?

pernah rasa kita nak capai sesuatu impian ttp sentiasa kena pandang rendah?

pernah tak bila kita rasa hidup nie sgt la unfair?

aku pernah, dan aku rasa buku nie pun cakap pasal hal tu...

so, kalo nak tgk bez ke tak citer nie... baca la sendiri..

mcm aku kata...

kita semua mmg manusia, tp x semua ada hati dan minda yg sama, 

so x heran kalo taste pun x sama...

aku no hal, and aku ok jer...

bb bg aku semua ada hak...

heheheheh

Apa nak Jadi Dgn Dunia?

Still don't understand thiz world....

why would there be such a thing we call as hypocrites?

well, that because there are person this kind....

masih x faham ke maksud ayat nie

i'm ain't perfect, isn't we're all the same?

mmg semua org  x sempurna, 

ada yg sempurna?

hanya nabi jer kot...
semua ada buat silap,

semua ada kekurangan..

takkan nak bg perfect kot?

ada pun yg hampir perfect jer..

kenapa plak bila kita serba kekurangan, 

org dok pot-pet-pot-pet....

mengalahkan anak mami citer yg melayu tu...

please la, ada x dicerminkan kesalahan  sendiri sebelum rajin sgt nak komen kat org...

kenapa ada plak org yg muka innocent kat depan, 

tp belakang umpat kawan baik sendiri...

bodoh ke apa namanya... 

heiii... apa nak jadi dengan dunia?

kenapa org tak boleh duk diam n tgk jer la org tu seadanya?

x boleh ker kalo org tu nak jadi diri sendiri?

x leh ker kalo org tu mmg lain sikit dr org lain?

apa mesti jadi robot ker? nak program semua sama?

x ker bosan namanya? hei, x sanggup tinggal kat dunia cam tu....

kenapa org syok bercouple nak bising?

kenapa kawan baik yg temankan org bercouple tu pun nak dibawak bising?

kenapa kwan baik yang dianggap baik sanggup cakap belakang kaan sendiri?

Apa susah sangat nak terima benda yg dah jadi kebiasaan?

Anggap diri tu bagus sgt kalau control ayu?

k, nie satu nasihat... perempuan kalo lembut mana pun dia, sopan mana pun dia,

org masih sudi nak kawan, bab APA?

bab diaorg x main-main control ayu... 

mrk mmg dr kecik sampai besar dah perangai cam tu, 

so nampak la ikhlasnya gaya diaorg mmg cam tu...

bg aku definisi control ayu nie sama jer cAm hikpokrit. kenapa?

bab bg aku kalo dah tiba-tiba depan org(lebih-lebih lg lelaki)

sopan, pendiam yg terlampau, malu-malu...

bak kata kawan aku, malu-malu puyuh plak, 

sedangkan perangai ganas, suara kuat, bising, hiperaktif,

bila jumpa org tertentu, hisy... 360 drjah berubah, meluat juga jadinya...

kalo nak kawan dgn lelaki, x control ayu, ada lelaki x suka(x tahu la berapa byk kan),

bg mereka bila kawan dengan perempuan yang ... perempuan, leceh, byk ragam, kena layan cam pompuan.... yg nak dianggap lebih dr kawan...

tu namanya salah definisi kawan.. bg aku kalo nak kwn dgn lelaki, show ur own self, don be a hipocrite, that's ain't you.... bb lama-lama nanti terpaksa juga tunjuk perangai yg sebenar.. kan ke bengong namanya....

so sapa-sapa yg terasa, maaf la...

saya just fikir nie bb saja...

x nak sakitkan hati org...

heheheheh

salam...

Will you hate me- Dawud Wharnsby Ali

Smile in the two- way mirror of my eyes

I put on my faith like I wear a disguise

You can’t see my soul

See the life that I live

Show you the mask of the best I can give

I’ve hid here afraid like a child behind.

Truth of my thoughts that clutter my mind.

What if you knew about all that I do?

Things that I think,

The me that is true.

 

Would you call me a hypocrite?

Call me a liar?

Would you curse out my name?

Would you damn me to fire?

Would you know what to say?

Or would you just walk away?

Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide

Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

 

I’ve been looking for answers since becoming an adult

Not looking for dogma to live like a cult

I’ve been looking to live,

I’ve been living to find

Freedom from cages that limit my mind.

 

Would you call me a hypocrite?

Call me a liar?

Would you curse out my name?

Would you damn me to fire?

Would you know what to say?

Or would you just walk away?

Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide

Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

 

Will I scare you, upset you, frustrate you, irate you?

Challenge a lifestyle or weaken your trust

Or will you see my efforts and my passionate sincerity

Would you see just a little of yourself in me

Will you take off your mask so we can both be free.

 

Would you call me a hypocrite?

Call me a liar?

Would you curse out my name?

Would you damn me to fire?

Would you know what to say?

Or would you just walk away?

Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide

Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

this is the song that make me think really hard about my life...

love this song very much...

Near Exam

exam dah datang, tp kenapa ada yg mode exam rosak tgh jln, x blh nak gerak nak fungsi lansung... knp bila kita nak exam, wabak no 1 dan mmg ancient datang menyerang time2 tu jugak... wabak apa yg d'ckp nie? well, of coz la malas, wabak yg mmg ancient la sgt... sejak zaman dahulu purbakala la... hehehe, bila time nak study, byk la alasan, letih la, x leh belajar la, x masuk kepala la, panas la, ngantuk la, padahal, tu malas punya pasal... ish2, nie la bahana bila dah berkawan dgn wabak malas, susah... dia yg buat mode exam rosak smpai x ada spare part, tp ada la satu, kalo kita teguhkan hati, konferm dapat lawan, bunyi mcm nak g perangkan? biasalah

life is like a battle, a battle to survive this life so you can go on and see what will become for another time in your life... so aku harapkan semua yg tgh tungkus lumus nak lawan wabak ancient tahap melampau tu, a good try, n try harder, n.... good luck for the exam coming....

The Living Dead

the dark...

the lonliness creep in..

slowly by slowly,

devouring inside inches by inches,

till there was no more left, 

till the only things left is....

a body without the real soul...

walking like a living dead,

with no heart, 

with no senses,

just blank...

a heartless living creatures..

walking the earth,

just like a normal person,

but the eyes...

looks so empty...

no more feeling, 

only emptiness,

darkness,

the view are black and white

unable to decide anymore...

no options anymore...

only a souless body...

WHen Life Started Like This...

Apa yang berlaku apabila keadaan yang kita lalui sentiasa berubah mengikut peradaran masa dan tempat? tentu kekok kan? nak buat macam mana? dah tu namanya hidup? mulanya heran gak bila orang selalu kata hidup ni umpama roda, ada naik ada turun... fikir punya fikir, mmg cam tu ker? last2 bila dah meningkat dewasa, faham la jugak maksudnya... mmg ada pahit dan manis dan mungkin juga kurang asam dalam hidup yang kena lalui... bila tempat berlainan dan bila masa berubah... yang pasti.... hidup banyak selekoh, jadi pandai2 la nak bawak diri...